Brokenness

I'm sad. I am having a hard time processing something that on one hand is devasting and on the other hand is not completely without hope. I am both bothered by the sin that took place and grateful for the reconcilation that is taking place. I am upset that bad choices were made and yet am encouraged by the new choices that are being acted upon. It's hard because it brings back memories of a more personal nature and also because those involved and affected by the sin have been significant influences in my life.


The sin was an affair and that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart for the betrayed wife, the confused and hurting kids, and for the broken and yet repentant husband. I hate the fact that the affair took place, but I am so encouraged by the attitudes of all involved. The husband showed genuine sorrow for his sin and the wife was willing to forgive and work towards the goal of reconcilation. I'm grieving for the family because even though good things are happening; there are still consequences for wrong choices and the pain doesn't simply go away even when there's been signs of confession and repentance. Trust has been lost and once damaged is hard to get back again. It's not impossible because our God is in the business of reconciliation, restoration and renewal; but there's still a long way to go and the road is tough.

I understand the pain of betrayal and I also am very much aware of what happens when there is no godly sorrow leading to repentance. My parents are divorced and 11 years ago, my dad announced to our family that he was having an affair. I praise the Lord for the healing that has taken place in my life, but the memories are painful and the feelings must be acknowledged so that more healing can come as a result of being real before the Lord.

I grieve not only for my family and the one mentioned earlier,but also for the brokenness that takes place in many families all throughout this country and all around the world.

How do I choose to respond when something like this happens? I can be a victim of my circumstances and allow bitterness, anger and unforgiveness to seep in and poison my soul; or I can bring my pain to the foot of the Cross and allow the Lord to do his work in and through me. It's hard to understand when painful things happen, but God uses those circumstances to grow us in our faith and to ultimately bring glory due His Name!

Since I started writing this post, the sadness lingers a little and yet the Lord has been faithful to bring peace and more healing.

I don't want to be a victim of my circumstances. I want to be a victor as I yield to the Lord's working in my life and then as I trust Him to take care of me in the midst of life's storms. Pain makes us strong if we are willing to yield and trust!

To cry or not to cry

This week has been a time of sadness. It's been a time of reflection and reminiscing. It has also been a time for tears. I've cried for a couple I know who are struggling in their marriage; for the pain I've experienced from a broken relationship and the hurt I've experienced from pain in my body. It's been hard, but I would much rather feel the pain than not feel anything at all. For some, crying comes rather easily; for others, shedding tears is perceived as a sign of weakness. I used to fall into the latter category and still find myself tempted from time to time to suppress any tears that might come. After my mom and dad divorced, 9 years ago, I pretty much shut down emotionally and had no desire to show the fact that I was falling apart on the inside. Not crying became a defense mechanism of sorts and even those rare moments where I would have liked to have cried; the tears just would not come, no matter what. I'm learning more and more the healing that can take place when I am willing to let the tears come. This year has been a hard one for several reasons. I experienced work stress, academic challenges, the loss of a friendship, and I also, for a time lost any sense of motivation or drive. Lots of tears were shed and more tears have been shed during the course of this week. I am learning how to express myself and how I'm feeling about things in a more healthy way than how I used to cope with stress and loss. I am learning that as painful as it can be, letting go of the tears bottled up inside is a much better alternative to ignoring the pain and suppressing it until I become a bit calloused. Instead of trying to be self-sufficient and believing the lie that says, "I don't need anyone."; I am learning how to cry out to Jesus in all circumstances and allowing Him to bring comfort and healing to me in a way that only He is capable. I am also learning that sometimes I need to talk to a good friend about what's going on in my life and be willing to be vulnerable.
Why do I write this, you may be wondering? For one, it's a good outlet for me to be able to write after a time of process and reflection. I also wanted to share in the hopes that my words might in some way encourage someone else and maybe inspire a little bit of courage for those of you who have a hard time admitting when life hurts. I am encouraged by the fact that even Jesus wept (John 11:35). Christ doesn't expect us to go through life with all its ups and downs stoically and act as if life doesn't hurt when it does. That's not a license for self-pity, bitterness and the like but He desires for us to be real and that involves admitting that life can hurt and that it's OK to show emotion and be vulnerable. The best thing we can do when life throws a curve ball is to run to Jesus! His Word offers comfort and hope in our time of need and it also offers admonishment and exhortation when we need that also. In Matthew, Jesus encourages us to come to him and find rest for his burden is light. In Isaiah, we are reminded that God is the Everlasting God and that he doesn't grow weary. If we hope in him, we will soar eagles and we will walk, but not faint. (paraphrase mine)
If you are hurting (or know someone who is) remind yourself (and them) that Jesus is ever present and that we can cry out to Him and He will give us rest. Be a friend to someone that you know who is struggling; drop them a note, give a hug, pay a visit; etc. And don't be afraid to cry- remember, even Jesus cried!

School just around the corner

The summer has flown by and soon it will be time to get back into "school mode." There are books to buy, rooms to organize and friends to catch up with after time apart. Inevitably, we will all experience syallbus shock and wonder how in the world we will be able to stay on top of things and not go crazy before midterms. Most of us are going to be doing the balancing act of school, work, time with friends, ministry opportunities, and times when we can get away from it all and simply be.
Too often, I am guilty of not simply being still and listening for awhile to what God might be trying to say. I say I don't have the time, but when solitude and time with God in His Word is constantly shoved aside, I miss out on sweet times of fellowship with my Creator. Even Jesus himself went away to pray and be still before the Father. He understood the importance of rest and times away to recharge and be renewed. How much more do we need to rest?
I focus so much of my energy and time on making the "perfect" grade that I fail sometimes to devote that same energy and time to what matters most. It's perfectly well and fine to strive after doing well academically, but when I neglect other people and most especially when I neglect the most important relationship of all, my relationship with Christ- I burn out and lose opportunity to serve others and my perspective becomes clouded.
I guess I write these somewhat random thoughts to remind myself and anyone else to not lose sight of Jesus in the midst of the busyness and business of life. When I don't take the time to pray and study God's Word and allow Him to speak to me, I become very self-centered and only become concerned with what benefits me. This life isn't about me; it's about bringing glory to God in all that I do.
Just a few thoughts to ponder as we head into a busy fall.

New Blogger

I am a new blogger. There is much I do not understand, but I am willing to embark on a new adventure. I have had several friends, especially recently, encourage me to start a blog and after some thought, I decided to give it a try.

What is Truth? Where does it have its origins? I am interested in discovering Truth and how it has the ability to affect even the smallest or least significant area of life. Is there such a thing as absolute Truth or can it be relative, depending on the culture or time in which we find ourselves in? For me, Truth begins with God, my Creator, Savior, Hope, Father and it is through the Bible, primarily that I learn most about what Truth is and how it pertains and relates to my life and those around me. I want to explore different avenues and hear from others concerning their views and thoughts.

I look forward to beginning this adventure in the blogging world and am excited about exploring Truth with those that are so inclined to join me in this endeavor.